Anxiety has a reputation problem.

Here’s how that’s messing YOU up (and how to fix it)!

For some, Anxiety is a big, bad villain — a constant source of dread to fight or suppress. For others, it’s the ride-or-die bestie, offering endless justifications for inaction or overthinking. Here’s the thing: both of these narratives are harmful, and keep you stuck in cycles of avoidance, shame, blame, or paralysis. Let’s be real — that all SUCKS!

I’ve had both relationships with anxiety (and a few others.) But, I got tired of it robbing me of energy to hang out with my loved ones. I got tired of watching others do, be and create what I knew I was capable of but didn’t because anxiety ‘talked’ me out of just going for it. I got tired of accepting dark thoughts and feelings as my norm. If I didn’t want “grey skies” everyday, I knew I had to “move somewhere else.”

This is what made me start asking, “What if I could reframe my relationship with anxiety? What if, instead of an enemy or a toxic, codependent, overbearing friend, I saw it as something entirely different — a muse, a messenger, or even a mentor?” Guess what? I’ve made it all three, and I’m taking time today to share how you can too! In this article, we’ll explore:

1. Three harmful ways people frame anxiety and why they’re not serving you.

2. How to cultivate three powerful new relationships with anxiety.

3. A simple framework to help you transform anxiety into inspiration and action.

Three Harmful Ways People Frame Anxiety

1. The “Enemy is in the House” Syndrome: Treating anxiety like an enemy is the most common narrative. And it’s not surprising. Especially, if you navigate anxiety, “the mental disorder,” in addition to anxiety, “the emotional state.” You are conditioned by society to stamp it out and avoid it at all costs which multiples the shame that is inherently thrust upon us when we have identities that are deemed by society as deficient or broken.
   
   You may find yourself thinking, “If only I weren’t anxious, I could finally succeed.” But this mentality drains you energetically because of how inefficient it is. Fighting yourself is not sustainable. It often creates more stress and burnout because of the inefficient effort. Not to mention fuels self-rejection and betrayal. None of that sh*t is cute!
   

   Reframe: Anxiety isn’t here to destroy you; it’s an alarm clock to wake you up to an unmet need, value, or desire. Just as you wouldn’t smash your alarm clock to bits when it sounds in the morning, you shouldn’t treat your anxiety alarm clock like an enemy to be destroyed. The fight only delays hearing the message its offering you.
   

2. The Burden of the “Bestie I Can’t Let Go”: On the other end of the spectrum, some people let anxiety call the shots, using it as an excuse or even a crutch. “I can’t try that because it will trigger my anxiety” or “I don’t know but if I’m not worried something’s wrong” Imagining and prioritizing the worst-case scenario isn’t the only way to cultivate success. It puts anxiety into the driver’s seat and steals your sense of agency.
   
   Listen, for many, you grew up with anxiety. It’s as familiar to you as your name. It’s kept you safe from criticism and failure, and it really does feel like the bestie who has had your back no matter what. But your bestie has the intellect of an 11-year-old, and trusting it to make your adult decisions is not cutting it anymore.
   

   Reframe: Anxiety can come for the ride, but doesn’t need to be your co-pilot or passenger seat driver. It can ride along, alert you to obstacles or roadblocks, but you’re still the one steering (and you are for damn sure in charge of the pump-up playlist!)

3. The “Serving a Life Sentence” Mindset: This society benefits from folks feeling disenfranchised. You stop feeling hopeful. You stop feeling creative. You stop imagining possibility and your capacity to create it — feeding the narrative of powerlessness. I remember how infuriated I felt learning that the prison system was modeled in many ways after the system of slavery in the United States. Yes, slave owners were pissed they no longer had the economic tools of slavery, so they designed a whole new system to replace it.
   
   I get equally infuriated by how we treat our mental health struggles: like a permanent condition or flaw that defines who we are. It sounds like, “This is just how I am,” or “I’ll never be able to really change this.” While these phrases might feel like a comforting surrender to who you are, they represent a belief that shuts down the possibility for growth and transformation.
   

   Reframe: If someone told you water couldn’t become ice or gas, you’d laugh! You understand science. Well, we have to start laughing at ourselves and others when they tell us that anxiety is a fixed state. Anxiety is a temporary signal trying to communicate with you a need for change. You can learn to work with it and evolve beyond the limitations it currently creates for you. Specific conditions are required to initiate the shift, but transformation is possible.

I’d love to hear which of these resonated most with you in the comments!

Three Empowering Relationships to Build with Anxiety

1. Treat Anxiety Like a Messenger
   Anxiety isn’t random—it’s trying to tell you something. Maybe it’s pointing to an unmet need, a boundary you’re ignoring, or a value you’ve strayed from. Start listening to what it’s saying instead of dismissing it.
   

2. Treat Anxiety Like a Muse
   Your anxiety holds creative potential. It’s raw energy waiting to be channeled into ideas, solutions, or even art. What if every anxious thought was an invitation to create something meaningful? A helpful question when you start to feel anxious is, “what would you like me to create?” Let anxiety be your creative partner.
   

3. Treat Anxiety Like a Mentor
   Anxiety, while uncomfortable, can also be a teacher. It shows up when there’s something to learn — about yourself, your limits, or your environment. Mentors use their lived experiences to guide us AND challenge us to grow. Anxiety does the same. Ask questions like: What lesson is this experience trying to teach me? How can I use it to become stronger, wiser, or more self-aware? What have I experienced before that is similar and how can I use that lived wisdom to guide me in this situation?

A Tool to Interrupt Anxiety Spirls and Tune Into Your Power

I have a simple framework to share with you that I recommend writing down on a post-it in a highly visible space in your home and/or workplace. It’s called the SHIFT Method. Here’s the acronym and what each letter stands for.

S - Stop and Breathe
Pause. Take 3 deep breaths. Create a moment of space between feeling and reaction.

H - Honor the Message
What’s the emotion trying to communicate? Is there an unmet need or boundary?

I - Identify the Opportunity
Ask yourself: How can I use this energy in an empowering way? For problem-solving? Creativity? Growth?

F - Flip the Narrative
For example, instead of “This is overwhelming,” try, “This is a chance to discover what matters to me” and instead of, “There’s no way I can do that,” try, “I’m not sure what my capacity is but I’m willing to see this as an opportunity to learn more about what I’m capable of”

T - Take Inspired Action
Choose one small, intentional step forward— whether it’s journaling, creating, having a conversation, setting an intention, articulating a boundary, or getting up and dancing to a song you love!

This is a super simple tool that you can move through in just 5 minutes. It can be a great way to interrupt the pattern of how anxiety typically compels you to act so that you can choose a more empowered approach that is aligned with your personal mission and vision for your life.

Closing Thoughts

You don’t have to love anxiety to learn from it. And you don’t have to tattoo it on your forehead to alert the masses that it’s a part of your identity. There is so much we can unlock when we shift our relationship to anxiety. I went from someone crippled with self-doubt that hid behind hyperachievement and intense perfectionism to someone who quickly offers myself grace, accepts and celebrates failure, and has a deep intuitive connection to myself that grounds my decisions and action-taking. You can unlock clarity, inspiration, and even a deeper sense of purpose when you allow yourself to embrace a shift in your relationship to anxiety.

Here’s your challenge: Next time anxiety knocks, do not slam the door. Open it, be curious, listen, and see what inspiration it’s offering.

P.S. If you want support navigating and rewiring your relationship to anxiety, get on my calendar for a Soul Care Session: use this link to book.

We’ll get really clear on what you desire your life to look and feel like. Then, we’ll compassionately investigate how anxiety is getting in the way of that. We’ll close the session by coming up with a 3 part strategy plus accountability action steps to help you create a meaningful shift within 30 days.

Note: Most folks have a win within 7 days of their session! If this sounds like it would be supportive for you, book today!